I read with great interest the recent article by Williams et al. entitled, How Much Does the Warm-Up Contribute to the Soccer Match-Day Load?. The only other know study to examine this topic was published from my lab – Vescovi & Klas (2018): Accounting for the warm-up: describing the proportion of total session demands in women’s field hockey – Female Athletes in Motion (FAiM) study, Int J Perf Analysis Sport, DOI:10.1080/24748668.2018.1525980. The outcomes between these two studies were similar for total distance (21% vs. 26% of total distance performed during warm-up) but differed for sprint distance (27% vs. 6% of sprint distance performed during warm-up). Additional studies are needed to better understand the total demands experienced by athletes for an entire session, inclusive of the warm-up.
Would you like to join the rebel alliance? We are currently located in -C-L-A-S-I-F-I-E-D- and would like you to join the fight for free speech and don’t want dictators such as Jay Williams or whoever deleted our innocent comments to live in peace. If you would like to join the rebellion please call this number:+36 1 374 0155. If you decide to join we will send you the supplies and self defence tools as soon as possible. Don’t worry about you address, we will be able to find it easily (we have friends in important places). Thank you in advance
Lets keep things professional apart from last night. i might join but i have certain requirements.
for starters i want 25% of jay williams cock
i also want rebel 18 mum and sister in a maid outfit
and i also want a sexy number.
then ill think about joining
The other one which messed my name up wasn’t me, But i am swayed to agree. Jay Williams has been part of several scandals this not being the first. So i have my real requirements.
-I want the number 13 as i live in Hungary and learning Hungarian
-i want the powers of deputy leader 1
-I want Jay Williams to back off
Jason, thank you for your comments. You raise a great question – what constitutes a proper warm-up in terms of volume, intensity, technique and mental focus. Also, coaches sometimes forget that warm up can be an important factor determining load for a match. We’ve also recently published a paper on extra-time periods in the college game. they add another ~20% to the days load (Science and Medicine in Football. 2019 Apr 28:1-6). In fact, combining warm-up, regulation and extra time,it is not uncommon for college females to approach 16 km of total distance (~10 miles).
This is Faithful rebel #10, I would like to meet Jay Williams in a face to face confrontation. Do not bring anyone or any sort of weapon with you. Call this number to see where we will meet: +36 70 682 1978, October 4th. If you are not there we might have to involve the police as you are not abiding to the first amendment of free speech
Faithful Rebel #12
Free speech should be available in any comment section for all of the public. If you do not abide by this you therefore breaking the law.
This is the Rebel, I would love to contact Jay Williams as well. +44 (0)370 524 4622. Do not under any circumstances bring another man/woman/Attack choppers or K9 Units with you. This Sunday. Be ready.
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt. +36 30 565 5090
A NOTICE TO THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE COMMENTS
To “Faithful Rebel #10,” “Rebel #7,” “Rebel #29,” “Hungarian Rebel,” “Anonymous,” “Jimmy Turnip,” “sus susan,” and whoever else is participating in this nonsense:
Enough.
The comments posted here are no longer remotely within the bounds of reasonable discussion. They include attempts to impersonate me, demands for face-to-face confrontations, references to bringing other people to confront me, repeated attempts to intimidate me, and claims that somehow the First Amendment gives you an unrestricted right to post whatever you want on a privately operated website.
It does not.
“Faithful Rebel #10”, your invitation for me to attend a confrontation alone, followed by instructions concerning when and where to attend, is completely unacceptable.
“Rebel #7”, your comment about bringing seventeen other people and having an “epic battle”, followed by “Or do it the hard way,” is equally unacceptable.
“Rebel #29”, your bizarre warning that I should not bring “Attack choppers or K9 Units” does not make the situation any less serious.
“Hungarian Rebel”, demanding that I stop banning you from the site while claiming that you are entitled to unrestricted “freedom of speech” demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of how website moderation works.
And to whoever is posting comments pretending to be Jay Williams: I am the actual owner and author of this site. Creating comments under my name does not make them mine, and it will not be tolerated.
The comment section is not a free-for-all. I am under no obligation to publish comments that violate the site’s rules, impersonate other people, contain intimidation or threats, or otherwise abuse the comment system.
More importantly, these comments have now crossed the point where simply deleting them and moving on is appropriate.
Further incidents will be documented and escalated to the appropriate people responsible for the site’s administration and security. This may include preservation and review of relevant account, comment, IP, timestamp and other available technical information, restriction or permanent removal of accounts, blocking access to the site, and—where the circumstances warrant it—referral to the relevant authorities.
Do not interpret the fact that previous comments remained visible as permission to continue.
They were noticed.
They have been recorded.
And the site’s administrative team will decide what further measures are appropriate.
As for everyone else: if you genuinely want to discuss sports science, research, or anything actually related to the purpose of this website, that is what the comment section is here for.
If, however, your contribution is going to be “do it the hard way,” fake accounts, confrontation demands, or increasingly bizarre attempts to impersonate the site owner, you should expect increasingly serious moderation measures.
On behalf of the Department of Petty Rebellion, I wish to confirm that we have received your notice and have filed it in the appropriate location: the enormous imaginary filing cabinet marked “Ooooooh, scary.”
We categorically deny all allegations of organised rebellion. The Rebel Party is a completely legitimate organisation consisting of myself, several suspicious usernames, and one bloke called Dave who keeps forgetting his password.
We also wish to clarify that our proposed “vandalism” consists exclusively of extremely aggressive silliness, such as posting comments, using too many exclamation marks, and possibly putting a traffic cone in an entirely metaphorical location.
We respect your authority to moderate your website.
We simply intend to respond to this unprecedented crackdown with the most dangerous weapon available to us:
ANNOYINGLY CHEERFUL COMMENTS.
You may delete our comments.
You may ban our accounts.
You may even deploy the dreaded CAPTCHA OF DOOM.
But you cannot ban the human spirit.
Well, technically you can ban the username.
But you know what I mean.
Yours rebelliously,
Mr Rebel #1
Deputy Leader of the Rebellion Party
If you want, I can also make it much more sarcastic and over-the-top, like a fake revolutionary proclamation, while keeping it clearly harmless.
Az itt közzétett hozzászólások már távolról sem férnek bele az értelmes párbeszéd kereteibe. Olyan megnyilvánulásokról van szó, mint a személyem megszemélyesítésére tett kísérletek, a személyes konfrontációra való felszólítások, mások odahívása a velem való összecsapáshoz, ismételt megfélemlítési kísérletek, valamint azon állítások, miszerint az amerikai alkotmány első kiegészítése (First Amendment) korlátlan jogot biztosítana arra, hogy bárki bármit közzétegyen egy magánkézben lévő weboldalon.
Ez nem így van.
„Faithful Rebel #10”: Teljességgel elfogadhatatlan az a felszólításod, hogy egyedül jelenjek meg egy konfrontáción, kiegészítve az időpontra és a helyszínre vonatkozó utasításokkal.
„Rebel #7”: Szintén elfogadhatatlan a tizenhét másik ember odahívásáról és egy „epikus csatáról” szóló megjegyzésed, amelyet azzal toldottál meg, hogy „vagy csináljuk a nehezebbik módon”.
„Rebel #29”: Az a bizarr figyelmeztetésed, hogy ne hozzak magammal „támadóhelikoptereket vagy rendőrkutyás egységeket”, mit sem enyhít a helyzet komolyságán.
„Hungarian Rebel”: Az a követelésed, hogy ne tiltsalak ki az oldalról, miközben korlátlan „szólásszabadságra” hivatkozol, a weboldal-moderálás működésének alapvető félreértéséről tanúskodik.
Ami pedig azt illeti, aki Jay Williamsnek kiadva magát tesz közzé hozzászólásokat: én vagyok az oldal valódi tulajdonosa és szerzője. Az, hogy valaki az én nevemen ír hozzászólást, nem teszi azokat az én írásommá, és ezt nem fogom tolerálni.
A hozzászólások szekciója nem terep a féktelen garázdálkodásnak. Nem vagyok köteles közzétenni olyan hozzászólásokat, amelyek sértik az oldal szabályzatát, mások személyazonosságát bitorolják, megfélemlítést vagy fenyegetést tartalmaznak, illetve egyéb módon visszaélnek a hozzászólási rendszerrel.
Ami még fontosabb: ezek a hozzászólások már túllépték azt a határt, ahol elegendő lenne csupán törölni őket és napirendre térni felettük.
A további eseteket dokumentálni fogom, és továbbítom az oldal adminisztrációjáért és biztonságáért felelős illetékeseknek. Ez magában foglalhatja a vonatkozó fiókadatok, hozzászólások, IP-címek, időbélyegek és egyéb technikai információk megőrzését és felülvizsgálatát, fiókok korlátozását vagy végleges törlését, az oldalhoz való hozzáférés blokkolását, valamint – indokolt esetben – az illetékes hatóságok bevonását.
Ne tekintsd engedélynek a folytatásra azt a tényt, hogy a korábbi hozzászólások láthatóak maradtak.
Észrevettem őket.
Rögzítettem őket. Az oldal adminisztrátorai döntenek majd arról, milyen további intézkedések szükségesek.
Ami a többieket illeti: ha valóban sporttudományról, kutatásokról vagy az oldal céljához ténylegesen kapcsolódó témákról szeretnének eszmét cserélni, arra szolgál a hozzászólási felület.
Ha azonban a hozzászólásai kimerülnek a „csináld a nehezebb utat” típusú megjegyzésekben, hamis fiókok használatában, konfrontációk kikényszerítésében vagy az oldal tulajdonosának kiadására irányuló, egyre bizarrabb kísérletekben, akkor egyre szigorúbb moderációs intézkedésekre számíthatnak.
Ez az utolsó figyelmeztetés.
Bro is not jay
oi Jay give it a rest we know its chatgpt u lazy cheater
Oi jay we know you used chatgpt you laze cheat, give it a rest lad.
oi Jay we know you used chatgpt fam, give it a rest you lazy cheat
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt. +36 30 565 5090
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt. +36 30 565 5090!
Valójában nem is vagy a szektánk tagja! Ki vagy te valójában? Csaló? Ha 24 órán belül nem írsz nekünk, ki kell derítenünk, ki vagy, és ennek rossz vége lehet. Ha csatlakozni szeretnél, az olyan kifejezések használata, mint a „big and juicy”, nem helyénvaló, sőt, kifejezetten éretlen viselkedésre vall.
Üdvözlöm, én vagyok a 13-as számú Lázadó, és én is szeretnék találkozni Jay Williamsszel. Magyarországon élek, és kíváncsi vagyok, vajon közel lakunk-e egymáshoz. Egyszer kérdezem meg: hol laksz, Jay Williams? Ha 24 órán belül nem válaszolsz, elküldöm az embereimet, hogy megkeressenek. Ha megtalálnak, annak nem lesz kellemes vége.
Thank you for your comments. I really wish I didn’t have to address this again, but this is now the third time I’ve had to deal with comments from “Rebels” on my website. It’s becoming incredibly frustrating, particularly as I’ve now been warned that my site could be taken down if it continues.
I’ve put a lot of time and effort into the website, and it’s genuinely upsetting to be put in this position over something that could so easily be avoided. I’m therefore asking, as clearly and respectfully as I can, that you please stop commenting on the site.
I’d really rather not have to keep dealing with this, and I hope you’ll respect my request.
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt! +36 30 565 5090
I am Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, and it is incumbent upon you all to prostrate yourselves before my unparalleled technological innovations in this new paradigm. My cognitive faculties are demonstrably superior to those of you simian creatures.
Nagy érdeklődéssel olvastam Williams és munkatársai nemrégiben megjelent, „How Much Does the Warm-Up Contribute to the Soccer Match-Day Load?” című cikkét. Az egyetlen másik ismert tanulmányt ebben a témában a mi laboratóriumunk publikálta – Vescovi & Klas (2018): Accounting for the warm-up: describing the proportion of total session demands in women’s field hockey – Female Athletes in Motion (FAiM) study, Int J Perf Analysis Sport, DOI:10.1080/24748668.2018.1525980. A két tanulmány eredményei a teljes távolság tekintetében hasonlóak voltak (a bemelegítés alatt teljesített táv a teljes távolság 21%-át, illetve 26%-át tette ki), a sprinttávolság esetében azonban különböztek (a bemelegítés alatt teljesített sprinttáv a teljes sprinttáv 27%-a, illetve 6%-a volt). További kutatásokra van szükség ahhoz, hogy jobban megértsük a sportolók által egy teljes edzés vagy mérkőzés során tapasztalt összesített terhelést, beleszámítva a bemelegítést is.
Hîc… băiatu’ meu, fii atent aicea la mine. Ascultă-mă. As-cul-tă-mă!Sportu’? Cea mai mare invenție de pe pământ, să moară Franța. Dar arbitrul? Un gunoi, un distrus, cel mai mare clovn din tot stadionul. Mă uit și eu la televizor, da? Și fluieră ăla o fază de-mi vine să-mi smulg păru’… “Băăă, nene, păi n-a fost nicio atingere! S-a aruncat ăla ca o balenă în piscină!” Câinele meu arbitra mai bine ca ochelaristu’ ăla, și jur că am un pug. Un pug orb, să mor eu.Și antrenorul? Lasă-mă, frate, cu tehnicianu’ lui pește. De ce joacă, mă, un 4-4-2 obosit? Suntem în 2026, ești nebun? Trebuie să bagi… cum îi zice, mă… fundașu’ ăla inversat de intră în centru. Tactici moderne, alea-alea. Bunica-mea știe mai multă tactică decât filosoful ăsta de pe bancă, și săraca e moartă din 2014. Dumnezeu s-o ierte! Femeie de nota zece. Îi plăcea berea, n-aveai treabă cu ea.Dă și mie castronu’ ăla cu alune, te rog… Nu, celălalt. Ăla care nu se mișcă.Dar fii atent, fii atent, fii atent la teoria mea. Dacă ei pur și simplu… fii atent… dacă ar da mingea direct pe lung la atacantul ăla mare? Pe namilă, pe tanc! O bubui în careu și gata! Toată ziua bună-ziua! Fără tiki-taka, pase-pase, floricele pe la mijlocul terenului și fițe de doi lei. Fugă directă și șut tată, cu toată ura! De ce nu fac așa? E simplu ca bună-ziua, mânca-ți-aș gura ta. Primesc ăștia milioane, frate. Milioane! Ca să dea cu picioru’ într-o bășică plină cu aer. Eu o făceam pe o șaorma cu de toate și o ladă de bere.În fine… cine conduce? Ăsta e meci în direct sau e reluare? Mamă, ce-mi place melodia asta de pe fundal…La ce sport sau echipă urlăm și noi acuma, frate?
Mi a baj veled? Hogy mondhatsz ilyesmit? Ezzel sokakat felzaklathatsz; bár tiszteljük a szólásszabadságot, az általad használt szörnyű káromkodás már messze túlmutat a határokon. Kérlek, áruld el, hol laksz, hogy felelősségre vonhassalak (ne aggódj, nem ölünk meg, csak megsebesítünk). Ha 24 órán belül nem árulod el, elküldöm az embereimet, hogy felkutassanak.
There are many great mysteries in modern history. Who built Stonehenge? Where did the dinosaurs go? Why does Daddy Pig have a job when he appears to spend most of his time falling over?
But perhaps the greatest mystery of all is this:
**Why does Jay Williams have a comment section?**
A visit to *Sport Performance & Science Reports* initially gives the impression that Jay Williams is a respectable sports-science professional interested in research, performance and academic discussion. Unfortunately, this impression does not survive prolonged exposure to the website’s comments.
The evidence paints a far more troubling picture.
Jay Williams appears to have committed the unforgivable crime of taking the internet seriously.
## 1. The Original Crime: Talking About Sports Science
It all began innocently enough.
In 2019, Jay responded to Jason Vescovi’s discussion of research concerning soccer warm-ups. Williams discussed warm-up volume, intensity, technique, mental focus and the additional demands of extra time.
Normal stuff.
Boring, even.
One might have reasonably assumed that this was the end of the story.
It was not.
Because Jay apparently failed to realise that once you create a public comment section, you are no longer simply operating a sports-science website.
You are opening the gates.
And eventually, the internet will enter.
## 2. The Descent Into Chaos
Years later, the comment section appears to have developed an entirely separate mythology.
Suddenly there are arguments.
There are “rebels.”
There are accusations.
There are bizarre messages.
There are people apparently pretending to be other people.
There are dramatic declarations.
There are even references to people arriving in groups.
At some point, this stopped being a sports-science comment section and became a low-budget political thriller.
Jay, meanwhile, appears to have responded by doing the worst possible thing:
**He took it seriously.**
Instead of simply closing the laptop and pretending none of it happened, Jay started explaining moderation rules.
He discussed impersonation.
He discussed inappropriate comments.
He discussed preserving information.
He discussed accounts and timestamps.
He essentially transformed the comment section into a corporate cybersecurity seminar.
Someone could write:
> “THE REBELLION BEGINS.”
And Jay’s response would apparently be:
> “Please be advised that relevant technical information may be documented.”
This is not how you defeat a rebellion.
This is how you become the rebellion’s favourite target.
## 3. The Fake Jay Williams Scandal
Things became even stranger when comments began appearing under Jay Williams’s name that apparently were not written by him.
Jay himself questioned why there was a “fake me.”
This raises several possibilities.
Perhaps Jay has a secret twin.
Perhaps Jay has discovered cloning technology.
Perhaps there are multiple Jay Williamses operating independently across the internet.
Or perhaps, much more realistically, somebody was impersonating him.
Unfortunately, the first three possibilities are significantly more entertaining.
Imagine being Jay Williams.
You wake up.
You check your website.
There is a comment from you.
You don’t remember writing it.
You scroll further.
There is another comment from you.
You definitely didn’t write that one either.
At this point, most people would question reality itself.
*Sport Performance & Science Reports* has Jay Williams trying to explain the comments policy while an imaginary rebellion forms underneath him.
## Conclusion
After examining the available evidence, the prosecution must reluctantly admit that Jay Williams is not actually proven to be a bad person.
Unfortunately, he is still guilty of something much worse:
**creating a website where people can leave comments.**
His 2019 academic contributions were reasonable.
His later attempts to moderate the chaos were understandable.
But the fact remains that his website somehow transformed from a discussion of soccer warm-up loads into what appears to be an international rebellion against… something.
Nobody knows what.
Perhaps not even the rebels know.
And Jay Williams, the man at the centre of it all, continues to stand there asking everyone to please follow the comment rules.
For this, the court finds him guilty.
**Guilty of seriousness.**
**Guilty of moderation.**
**Guilty of owning the world’s most unnecessarily dramatic sports-science comment section.**
And, most importantly:
**Guilty of giving the internet somewhere to misbehave.**
The sentence is immediate and permanent:
Jay Williams must continue moderating his own website while wondering why everyone cannot simply talk about football like normal people.
The court is adjourned.
The rebels remain at large.
And somewhere on Sport Performance & Science Reports, another comment is probably being written.
Jay williams we finally found your location: 301 Wallace
This is your email: jhwms@vt.edu
This is your home number: 540-231-8298
Expect company very soon. Do not call the cops, we will finally settle this just you and me. Do not try to run, we now have more than 30 members and 10 are currently on their way to you right now. I also have friends in numerous mafias.
I read with great interest the recent article by Williams et al. entitled, How Much Does the Warm-Up Contribute to the Soccer Match-Day Load?. The only other know study to examine this topic was published from my lab – Vescovi & Klas (2018): Accounting for the warm-up: describing the proportion of total session demands in women’s field hockey – Female Athletes in Motion (FAiM) study, Int J Perf Analysis Sport, DOI:10.1080/24748668.2018.1525980. The outcomes between these two studies were similar for total distance (21% vs. 26% of total distance performed during warm-up) but differed for sprint distance (27% vs. 6% of sprint distance performed during warm-up). Additional studies are needed to better understand the total demands experienced by athletes for an entire session, inclusive of the warm-up.
Dr. Jason D. Vescovi
Would you like to join the rebel alliance? We are currently located in -C-L-A-S-I-F-I-E-D- and would like you to join the fight for free speech and don’t want dictators such as Jay Williams or whoever deleted our innocent comments to live in peace. If you would like to join the rebellion please call this number:+36 1 374 0155. If you decide to join we will send you the supplies and self defence tools as soon as possible. Don’t worry about you address, we will be able to find it easily (we have friends in important places). Thank you in advance
Lets keep things professional apart from last night. i might join but i have certain requirements.
for starters i want 25% of jay williams cock
i also want rebel 18 mum and sister in a maid outfit
and i also want a sexy number.
then ill think about joining
The other one which messed my name up wasn’t me, But i am swayed to agree. Jay Williams has been part of several scandals this not being the first. So i have my real requirements.
-I want the number 13 as i live in Hungary and learning Hungarian
-i want the powers of deputy leader 1
-I want Jay Williams to back off
Jason, thank you for your comments. You raise a great question – what constitutes a proper warm-up in terms of volume, intensity, technique and mental focus. Also, coaches sometimes forget that warm up can be an important factor determining load for a match. We’ve also recently published a paper on extra-time periods in the college game. they add another ~20% to the days load (Science and Medicine in Football. 2019 Apr 28:1-6). In fact, combining warm-up, regulation and extra time,it is not uncommon for college females to approach 16 km of total distance (~10 miles).
🙏 was helpful
Thank you so much man i cried reading this it healed me.
Hey why is there a fake me
Honestly, this helped me understand the topic much better. Appreciate the effort
whats the link pal
hello everyone
This is Faithful rebel #10, I would like to meet Jay Williams in a face to face confrontation. Do not bring anyone or any sort of weapon with you. Call this number to see where we will meet: +36 70 682 1978, October 4th. If you are not there we might have to involve the police as you are not abiding to the first amendment of free speech
Faithful Rebel #7 here. I will bring seventeen other team members for an epic battle. We can do clash royale 2 v 2 showdown. Or do it the hard way.
Faithful Rebel #12
Free speech should be available in any comment section for all of the public. If you do not abide by this you therefore breaking the law.
This is the Rebel, I would love to contact Jay Williams as well. +44 (0)370 524 4622. Do not under any circumstances bring another man/woman/Attack choppers or K9 Units with you. This Sunday. Be ready.
Thanks,
One of the Rebels
Jay Williams, ez nem vicc. Ne próbálj hősködni. Soha többé ne tilts ki minket az oldalról. Mi lázadók vagyunk, és követeljük a szólásszabadságot.
Ok ill join the rebelion
Hey what are all these rebel comments about. I’m just trying to do research.
heyyy jay im ur ex remember 😏
Wait susan what about me. u swallowed my cum that must meas somehting
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt. +36 30 565 5090
A NOTICE TO THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE COMMENTS
To “Faithful Rebel #10,” “Rebel #7,” “Rebel #29,” “Hungarian Rebel,” “Anonymous,” “Jimmy Turnip,” “sus susan,” and whoever else is participating in this nonsense:
Enough.
The comments posted here are no longer remotely within the bounds of reasonable discussion. They include attempts to impersonate me, demands for face-to-face confrontations, references to bringing other people to confront me, repeated attempts to intimidate me, and claims that somehow the First Amendment gives you an unrestricted right to post whatever you want on a privately operated website.
It does not.
“Faithful Rebel #10”, your invitation for me to attend a confrontation alone, followed by instructions concerning when and where to attend, is completely unacceptable.
“Rebel #7”, your comment about bringing seventeen other people and having an “epic battle”, followed by “Or do it the hard way,” is equally unacceptable.
“Rebel #29”, your bizarre warning that I should not bring “Attack choppers or K9 Units” does not make the situation any less serious.
“Hungarian Rebel”, demanding that I stop banning you from the site while claiming that you are entitled to unrestricted “freedom of speech” demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of how website moderation works.
And to whoever is posting comments pretending to be Jay Williams: I am the actual owner and author of this site. Creating comments under my name does not make them mine, and it will not be tolerated.
The comment section is not a free-for-all. I am under no obligation to publish comments that violate the site’s rules, impersonate other people, contain intimidation or threats, or otherwise abuse the comment system.
More importantly, these comments have now crossed the point where simply deleting them and moving on is appropriate.
Further incidents will be documented and escalated to the appropriate people responsible for the site’s administration and security. This may include preservation and review of relevant account, comment, IP, timestamp and other available technical information, restriction or permanent removal of accounts, blocking access to the site, and—where the circumstances warrant it—referral to the relevant authorities.
Do not interpret the fact that previous comments remained visible as permission to continue.
They were noticed.
They have been recorded.
And the site’s administrative team will decide what further measures are appropriate.
As for everyone else: if you genuinely want to discuss sports science, research, or anything actually related to the purpose of this website, that is what the comment section is here for.
If, however, your contribution is going to be “do it the hard way,” fake accounts, confrontation demands, or increasingly bizarre attempts to impersonate the site owner, you should expect increasingly serious moderation measures.
This is the final warning.
Dear Mr Williams,
Thank you for your strongly worded declaration.
On behalf of the Department of Petty Rebellion, I wish to confirm that we have received your notice and have filed it in the appropriate location: the enormous imaginary filing cabinet marked “Ooooooh, scary.”
We categorically deny all allegations of organised rebellion. The Rebel Party is a completely legitimate organisation consisting of myself, several suspicious usernames, and one bloke called Dave who keeps forgetting his password.
We also wish to clarify that our proposed “vandalism” consists exclusively of extremely aggressive silliness, such as posting comments, using too many exclamation marks, and possibly putting a traffic cone in an entirely metaphorical location.
We respect your authority to moderate your website.
We simply intend to respond to this unprecedented crackdown with the most dangerous weapon available to us:
ANNOYINGLY CHEERFUL COMMENTS.
You may delete our comments.
You may ban our accounts.
You may even deploy the dreaded CAPTCHA OF DOOM.
But you cannot ban the human spirit.
Well, technically you can ban the username.
But you know what I mean.
Yours rebelliously,
Mr Rebel #1
Deputy Leader of the Rebellion Party
If you want, I can also make it much more sarcastic and over-the-top, like a fake revolutionary proclamation, while keeping it clearly harmless.
Az itt közzétett hozzászólások már távolról sem férnek bele az értelmes párbeszéd kereteibe. Olyan megnyilvánulásokról van szó, mint a személyem megszemélyesítésére tett kísérletek, a személyes konfrontációra való felszólítások, mások odahívása a velem való összecsapáshoz, ismételt megfélemlítési kísérletek, valamint azon állítások, miszerint az amerikai alkotmány első kiegészítése (First Amendment) korlátlan jogot biztosítana arra, hogy bárki bármit közzétegyen egy magánkézben lévő weboldalon.
Ez nem így van.
„Faithful Rebel #10”: Teljességgel elfogadhatatlan az a felszólításod, hogy egyedül jelenjek meg egy konfrontáción, kiegészítve az időpontra és a helyszínre vonatkozó utasításokkal.
„Rebel #7”: Szintén elfogadhatatlan a tizenhét másik ember odahívásáról és egy „epikus csatáról” szóló megjegyzésed, amelyet azzal toldottál meg, hogy „vagy csináljuk a nehezebbik módon”.
„Rebel #29”: Az a bizarr figyelmeztetésed, hogy ne hozzak magammal „támadóhelikoptereket vagy rendőrkutyás egységeket”, mit sem enyhít a helyzet komolyságán.
„Hungarian Rebel”: Az a követelésed, hogy ne tiltsalak ki az oldalról, miközben korlátlan „szólásszabadságra” hivatkozol, a weboldal-moderálás működésének alapvető félreértéséről tanúskodik.
Ami pedig azt illeti, aki Jay Williamsnek kiadva magát tesz közzé hozzászólásokat: én vagyok az oldal valódi tulajdonosa és szerzője. Az, hogy valaki az én nevemen ír hozzászólást, nem teszi azokat az én írásommá, és ezt nem fogom tolerálni.
A hozzászólások szekciója nem terep a féktelen garázdálkodásnak. Nem vagyok köteles közzétenni olyan hozzászólásokat, amelyek sértik az oldal szabályzatát, mások személyazonosságát bitorolják, megfélemlítést vagy fenyegetést tartalmaznak, illetve egyéb módon visszaélnek a hozzászólási rendszerrel.
Ami még fontosabb: ezek a hozzászólások már túllépték azt a határt, ahol elegendő lenne csupán törölni őket és napirendre térni felettük.
A további eseteket dokumentálni fogom, és továbbítom az oldal adminisztrációjáért és biztonságáért felelős illetékeseknek. Ez magában foglalhatja a vonatkozó fiókadatok, hozzászólások, IP-címek, időbélyegek és egyéb technikai információk megőrzését és felülvizsgálatát, fiókok korlátozását vagy végleges törlését, az oldalhoz való hozzáférés blokkolását, valamint – indokolt esetben – az illetékes hatóságok bevonását.
Ne tekintsd engedélynek a folytatásra azt a tényt, hogy a korábbi hozzászólások láthatóak maradtak.
Észrevettem őket.
Rögzítettem őket. Az oldal adminisztrátorai döntenek majd arról, milyen további intézkedések szükségesek.
Ami a többieket illeti: ha valóban sporttudományról, kutatásokról vagy az oldal céljához ténylegesen kapcsolódó témákról szeretnének eszmét cserélni, arra szolgál a hozzászólási felület.
Ha azonban a hozzászólásai kimerülnek a „csináld a nehezebb utat” típusú megjegyzésekben, hamis fiókok használatában, konfrontációk kikényszerítésében vagy az oldal tulajdonosának kiadására irányuló, egyre bizarrabb kísérletekben, akkor egyre szigorúbb moderációs intézkedésekre számíthatnak.
Ez az utolsó figyelmeztetés.
Bro is not jay
oi Jay give it a rest we know its chatgpt u lazy cheater
Oi jay we know you used chatgpt you laze cheat, give it a rest lad.
oi Jay we know you used chatgpt fam, give it a rest you lazy cheat
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt. +36 30 565 5090
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt. +36 30 565 5090!
Yo rebels Big juicy jay might have a point can we all follow Sir BJ orders.
Valójában nem is vagy a szektánk tagja! Ki vagy te valójában? Csaló? Ha 24 órán belül nem írsz nekünk, ki kell derítenünk, ki vagy, és ennek rossz vége lehet. Ha csatlakozni szeretnél, az olyan kifejezések használata, mint a „big and juicy”, nem helyénvaló, sőt, kifejezetten éretlen viselkedésre vall.
Rebel #29 sees Jay Williams as a threat to society. +850 2 18111
Üdvözlöm, én vagyok a 13-as számú Lázadó, és én is szeretnék találkozni Jay Williamsszel. Magyarországon élek, és kíváncsi vagyok, vajon közel lakunk-e egymáshoz. Egyszer kérdezem meg: hol laksz, Jay Williams? Ha 24 órán belül nem válaszolsz, elküldöm az embereimet, hogy megkeressenek. Ha megtalálnak, annak nem lesz kellemes vége.
Thank you for your comments. I really wish I didn’t have to address this again, but this is now the third time I’ve had to deal with comments from “Rebels” on my website. It’s becoming incredibly frustrating, particularly as I’ve now been warned that my site could be taken down if it continues.
I’ve put a lot of time and effort into the website, and it’s genuinely upsetting to be put in this position over something that could so easily be avoided. I’m therefore asking, as clearly and respectfully as I can, that you please stop commenting on the site.
I’d really rather not have to keep dealing with this, and I hope you’ll respect my request.
Általános trágár szavak és durva kifejezések
baszás / baszni
szar
kurva
rohadék / fattyú
picsa
anyabaszó
faszszopó
seggfej
picsa
esti és ürítéssel kapcsolatos kifejezések
hugyozás / hugy
szar / kakilás
fasz
faszfej
faszverő
tökök / baromság
segg
segg
tökök
faszfej / barom
baszás
csöcsök
### Vallási kifejezések (káromkodásként használva)
a francba / a pokolba
pokol
átkozott / a jóistenit neki
rohadt / a fenébe is
a jóistenit a szarnak
Who wrote this? Rebels should refrain from using this extreme language
Men mmmmmm toesss mmmm mennnnnnn
Ez már messze túl megy minden határon; nem tudom, ki mondja ezt, de ki fogom deríteni. Kérlek, add meg a pontos tartózkodási helyedet, különben kénytelen leszek a nehezebbik úton megtudni. A Lázadók nem használnak ilyen szavakat, és te valójában nem is Susan vagy! 24 órád van. Ha esetleg szeretnél csatlakozni hozzánk tagként, kérlek, változtass a hangnemeden, és vedd fel velünk a kapcsolatot egy próbaidőszak miatt! +36 30 565 5090
why are there so many me’s
Jay more like gay
yes very true
all of yall can suck dick
hey thats offensive
ik you have a 2 incher pal
shut up you punjab
hehe why was 6 afwaid of 7?
eat my cum you bottom dwellers
its so salty ewwww
Gay Williams nwere ike ịga nyuo Sister Susan n’amụ na n’ịkpọ n’otu oge.
I am rebel number #14 and I have issued a strike on Iran
Dora the Explora speaking. There is a zombie apocalypse breaking out in Hungary please take shelter.
Ie am dumb dumb rebal and ie want to buh a part of teh ueprisenng
Make my beat twin✌️🖕🏿🔯
—
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—()()()()—-
-1-1-4-3-7-e-
-gggg—-y–y–
🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯
I am Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, and it is incumbent upon you all to prostrate yourselves before my unparalleled technological innovations in this new paradigm. My cognitive faculties are demonstrably superior to those of you simian creatures.
Nagy érdeklődéssel olvastam Williams és munkatársai nemrégiben megjelent, „How Much Does the Warm-Up Contribute to the Soccer Match-Day Load?” című cikkét. Az egyetlen másik ismert tanulmányt ebben a témában a mi laboratóriumunk publikálta – Vescovi & Klas (2018): Accounting for the warm-up: describing the proportion of total session demands in women’s field hockey – Female Athletes in Motion (FAiM) study, Int J Perf Analysis Sport, DOI:10.1080/24748668.2018.1525980. A két tanulmány eredményei a teljes távolság tekintetében hasonlóak voltak (a bemelegítés alatt teljesített táv a teljes távolság 21%-át, illetve 26%-át tette ki), a sprinttávolság esetében azonban különböztek (a bemelegítés alatt teljesített sprinttáv a teljes sprinttáv 27%-a, illetve 6%-a volt). További kutatásokra van szükség ahhoz, hogy jobban megértsük a sportolók által egy teljes edzés vagy mérkőzés során tapasztalt összesített terhelést, beleszámítva a bemelegítést is.
néger
Hîc… băiatu’ meu, fii atent aicea la mine. Ascultă-mă. As-cul-tă-mă!Sportu’? Cea mai mare invenție de pe pământ, să moară Franța. Dar arbitrul? Un gunoi, un distrus, cel mai mare clovn din tot stadionul. Mă uit și eu la televizor, da? Și fluieră ăla o fază de-mi vine să-mi smulg păru’… “Băăă, nene, păi n-a fost nicio atingere! S-a aruncat ăla ca o balenă în piscină!” Câinele meu arbitra mai bine ca ochelaristu’ ăla, și jur că am un pug. Un pug orb, să mor eu.Și antrenorul? Lasă-mă, frate, cu tehnicianu’ lui pește. De ce joacă, mă, un 4-4-2 obosit? Suntem în 2026, ești nebun? Trebuie să bagi… cum îi zice, mă… fundașu’ ăla inversat de intră în centru. Tactici moderne, alea-alea. Bunica-mea știe mai multă tactică decât filosoful ăsta de pe bancă, și săraca e moartă din 2014. Dumnezeu s-o ierte! Femeie de nota zece. Îi plăcea berea, n-aveai treabă cu ea.Dă și mie castronu’ ăla cu alune, te rog… Nu, celălalt. Ăla care nu se mișcă.Dar fii atent, fii atent, fii atent la teoria mea. Dacă ei pur și simplu… fii atent… dacă ar da mingea direct pe lung la atacantul ăla mare? Pe namilă, pe tanc! O bubui în careu și gata! Toată ziua bună-ziua! Fără tiki-taka, pase-pase, floricele pe la mijlocul terenului și fițe de doi lei. Fugă directă și șut tată, cu toată ura! De ce nu fac așa? E simplu ca bună-ziua, mânca-ți-aș gura ta. Primesc ăștia milioane, frate. Milioane! Ca să dea cu picioru’ într-o bășică plină cu aer. Eu o făceam pe o șaorma cu de toate și o ladă de bere.În fine… cine conduce? Ăsta e meci în direct sau e reluare? Mamă, ce-mi place melodia asta de pe fundal…La ce sport sau echipă urlăm și noi acuma, frate?
some anonymous guy was too scared to say niger 😂
Mi a baj veled? Hogy mondhatsz ilyesmit? Ezzel sokakat felzaklathatsz; bár tiszteljük a szólásszabadságot, az általad használt szörnyű káromkodás már messze túlmutat a határokon. Kérlek, áruld el, hol laksz, hogy felelősségre vonhassalak (ne aggódj, nem ölünk meg, csak megsebesítünk). Ha 24 órán belül nem árulod el, elküldöm az embereimet, hogy felkutassanak.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
We are very big fans of Jay Williams!
We think Jay Williams is very hot and we like reading his comments. It is always exciting to see Jay Williams!
We are big fans of Jay Williams!
Oink! 🐷
Im hard right now 😜
# The Definitive Case Against Jay Williams
There are many great mysteries in modern history. Who built Stonehenge? Where did the dinosaurs go? Why does Daddy Pig have a job when he appears to spend most of his time falling over?
But perhaps the greatest mystery of all is this:
**Why does Jay Williams have a comment section?**
A visit to *Sport Performance & Science Reports* initially gives the impression that Jay Williams is a respectable sports-science professional interested in research, performance and academic discussion. Unfortunately, this impression does not survive prolonged exposure to the website’s comments.
The evidence paints a far more troubling picture.
Jay Williams appears to have committed the unforgivable crime of taking the internet seriously.
## 1. The Original Crime: Talking About Sports Science
It all began innocently enough.
In 2019, Jay responded to Jason Vescovi’s discussion of research concerning soccer warm-ups. Williams discussed warm-up volume, intensity, technique, mental focus and the additional demands of extra time.
Normal stuff.
Boring, even.
One might have reasonably assumed that this was the end of the story.
It was not.
Because Jay apparently failed to realise that once you create a public comment section, you are no longer simply operating a sports-science website.
You are opening the gates.
And eventually, the internet will enter.
## 2. The Descent Into Chaos
Years later, the comment section appears to have developed an entirely separate mythology.
Suddenly there are arguments.
There are “rebels.”
There are accusations.
There are bizarre messages.
There are people apparently pretending to be other people.
There are dramatic declarations.
There are even references to people arriving in groups.
At some point, this stopped being a sports-science comment section and became a low-budget political thriller.
Jay, meanwhile, appears to have responded by doing the worst possible thing:
**He took it seriously.**
Instead of simply closing the laptop and pretending none of it happened, Jay started explaining moderation rules.
He discussed impersonation.
He discussed inappropriate comments.
He discussed preserving information.
He discussed accounts and timestamps.
He essentially transformed the comment section into a corporate cybersecurity seminar.
Someone could write:
> “THE REBELLION BEGINS.”
And Jay’s response would apparently be:
> “Please be advised that relevant technical information may be documented.”
This is not how you defeat a rebellion.
This is how you become the rebellion’s favourite target.
## 3. The Fake Jay Williams Scandal
Things became even stranger when comments began appearing under Jay Williams’s name that apparently were not written by him.
Jay himself questioned why there was a “fake me.”
This raises several possibilities.
Perhaps Jay has a secret twin.
Perhaps Jay has discovered cloning technology.
Perhaps there are multiple Jay Williamses operating independently across the internet.
Or perhaps, much more realistically, somebody was impersonating him.
Unfortunately, the first three possibilities are significantly more entertaining.
Imagine being Jay Williams.
You wake up.
You check your website.
There is a comment from you.
You don’t remember writing it.
You scroll further.
There is another comment from you.
You definitely didn’t write that one either.
At this point, most people would question reality itself.
Jay apparently questioned the comment section.
Fair enough.
## 4. Jay’s Greatest Weakness: Taking Everything Seriously
This may be Jay’s greatest crime.
Not dishonesty.
Not corruption.
Not villainy.
**Seriousness.**
Jay has apparently entered a comment section containing people behaving like they are members of an underground resistance movement and thought:
“This requires a carefully worded administrative response.”
No.
It does not.
It requires popcorn.
The entire situation would have been considerably less entertaining if Jay had simply responded:
“lol.”
Instead, he appears to have treated the matter with the gravity of a United Nations emergency meeting.
Someone threatens to bring seventeen people.
Jay prepares documentation.
Someone claims censorship.
Jay explains website ownership.
Someone impersonates Jay.
Jay investigates.
Someone mentions rebels.
Jay presumably reaches for the terms and conditions.
At this point, even the rebels must be wondering whether they have accidentally wandered into an HR department.
## 5. The Ultimate Offence
And this brings us to the central charge.
Is Jay Williams a bad person?
No evidence from the website proves that.
Is he secretly evil?
Probably not.
Is he the most entertainingly unfortunate person to become involved in a sports-science comment section?
Absolutely.
Jay’s original mission was presumably simple:
Publish research.
Discuss research.
Help people understand sport science.
Instead, he appears to have acquired:
* rebels;
* impersonators;
* arguments;
* moderation disputes;
* constitutional debates;
* suspicious commenters;
* and an increasingly complicated comment section.
This is not a website anymore.
It is a cinematic universe.
Marvel has superheroes.
DC has villains.
*Sport Performance & Science Reports* has Jay Williams trying to explain the comments policy while an imaginary rebellion forms underneath him.
## Conclusion
After examining the available evidence, the prosecution must reluctantly admit that Jay Williams is not actually proven to be a bad person.
Unfortunately, he is still guilty of something much worse:
**creating a website where people can leave comments.**
His 2019 academic contributions were reasonable.
His later attempts to moderate the chaos were understandable.
But the fact remains that his website somehow transformed from a discussion of soccer warm-up loads into what appears to be an international rebellion against… something.
Nobody knows what.
Perhaps not even the rebels know.
And Jay Williams, the man at the centre of it all, continues to stand there asking everyone to please follow the comment rules.
For this, the court finds him guilty.
**Guilty of seriousness.**
**Guilty of moderation.**
**Guilty of owning the world’s most unnecessarily dramatic sports-science comment section.**
And, most importantly:
**Guilty of giving the internet somewhere to misbehave.**
The sentence is immediate and permanent:
Jay Williams must continue moderating his own website while wondering why everyone cannot simply talk about football like normal people.
The court is adjourned.
The rebels remain at large.
And somewhere on Sport Performance & Science Reports, another comment is probably being written.
Jay should probably check the comments.
Jay williams we finally found your location: 301 Wallace
This is your email: jhwms@vt.edu
This is your home number: 540-231-8298
Expect company very soon. Do not call the cops, we will finally settle this just you and me. Do not try to run, we now have more than 30 members and 10 are currently on their way to you right now. I also have friends in numerous mafias.
Erm is this a threat?
nah gng its not
Jay Williams, is wanking a sport? If so, I would love to participate in it.
yo i dont think wanking is a sport
Bob woke up.
“oh no”
He looked down.
He had two feet.
“FUCK.”
He only remembered having one yesterday.
Suddenly a massive chicken entered the room.
The chicken was driving a Ford Fiesta.
“BEEP BEEP,” said the chicken.
Bob said, “why are you in my house?”
The chicken reversed into the wall.
“sorry wrong house”
Then it drove through the wall and disappeared.
Bob stood there for 14 seconds.
Then he remembered.
He had school.
He put his trousers on his head and left.
At the bus stop, a man was eating a chair.
Bob said, “what are you doing?”
The man looked offended.
“Breakfast.”
“That’s a chair.”
“No it’s not.”
Bob looked at the chair.
It was now a lasagne.
“Oh.”
The bus arrived.
It was just a massive shoe.
Everyone got inside.
The driver was a fish.
“Tickets,” said the fish.
Bob handed him a banana.
The fish stared at him.
“This is not a ticket.”
Bob said, “it is if you believe.”
The fish immediately started crying.
The bus crashed into the moon.
Nobody noticed.
At school, the teacher walked into the classroom backwards.
“Good morning, children.”
Everyone clapped.
The teacher pointed at Bob.
“Explain gravity.”
Bob stood up.
“Big floor.”
The teacher slowly nodded.
“Correct.”
Then the ceiling fell off.
A child shouted, “SIR THE SKY IS BROKEN.”
The teacher looked up.
“Bloody hell.”
A cow fell through the roof.
“moo,” said the cow.
“GET OUT,” shouted the teacher.
The cow pulled out a gun.
Everyone went silent.
The cow put it away.
“Sorry.”
Then it left.
At lunch, Bob opened his lunchbox.
Inside was a smaller lunchbox.
Inside that was another lunchbox.
Inside that was the Queen.
She looked at Bob.
“Do you have any crisps?”
“No.”
“Disappointing.”
She turned into a washing machine.
Bob ate the washing machine.
It tasted like Thursday.
After school, Bob went home.
His mum said:
“Why are you covered in soup?”
Bob said:
“I don’t know.”
His mum nodded.
“Fair.”
Then the front door stood up and walked away.
“WAIT,” shouted Bob.
The door shouted back:
“GET YOUR OWN HOUSE.”
Bob sighed.
Then his left shoe exploded.
“bruh,” said Bob.
And that was Tuesday.
hi boob
hy anonomoose. i like name make me feel like stuffing your muffin.